Burning Imprints Chapters 15-17
May. 16th, 2004 06:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
menomegirlBurning Imprints~ Chapter 15
The Letter
Lindsey smiled slightly. He reached out, placing his hand against the side of the vampire’s face, rubbing his thumb softly on Angel’s cheek. He said, "Yes, I do, but right now.....right now, I just want you to crawl under the covers with me, and hold me in your arms. I need that, Angel."
Nodding his head in understanding, Angel stood up, removing his clothing while Lindsey removed his robe. They got back in bed, and Lindsey slid into Angel’s embrace, laying his head against Angel’s chest. The vampire wondered what it was like for Lindsey, listening to the lack of a heartbeat within his body. Being held in the coldness of his embrace. As much as he wanted Lindsey, he wondered why the young man in his arms could gain such comfort from him.
If Lindsey had known Angel’s thoughts, he would have told him it was a very simple thing. He made Lindsey feel safe, loved and wanted. It was something Lindsey had never felt in the presence of any other being in his whole life. He didn’t care that Angel wasn’t human. He didn’t care what Angel had done in his long history. All his family was gone, his few friends might miss him for awhile, but Lindsey knew Angel was the only one who truly cared if he lived or died.
Angel felt the young man relax in his arms, and Lindsey feel into deep, dreamless, healing sleep. The vampire realized what it was, and he didn’t disturb Lindsey, who had finally come to terms with his past actions, and Angel knew he was sleeping more soundly than he undoubtedly had since the death of Darla.
That’s when he realized what he had to do. He couldn’t ask Lindsey to come to LA. The young man was going to have to make that decision on his own. Angel couldn’t influence him in that decision, because then he would never know if Lindsey wanted him of his own free will or not. He’d never know for sure if he loved him or not.
He gently removed himself from Lindsey, and got dressed. He looked at his lover a long time, then found implements to write Lindsey a letter. Laying it beside the young man, Angel left, all his instincts urging him to turn back, afraid this was the last he would see of the man who held a deeper place in his heart than anyone ever had.
*************************************
It was past noon when Lindsey awoke. He slowly opened his eyes, awareness of all that had occurred the night before drifting though his mind. He knew instantly Angel was gone. He also knew it couldn’t have ended any other way. He’d known that last night, so he wasn’t that upset.
He had tried to tell Angel how he’d felt when the vampire had made love to him. He’d wanted to show him with his body. Lindsey didn’t think he’d done a very good job of it. Oh, Angel had been turned on by what he had managed to say, but.....it was funny, really. He made his living with words. He was very good at it. But the most important thing he’d ever needed to say in his entire life....and he’d frozen up. But he didn’t know if he could convey all the vampire had made him feel with mere words.
How could he tell Angel the wealth of emotions that had shot through his body, when Angel had touched him with tenderness, when all he’d expected from the vampire was unmitigated hatred? How could he explain that his heart almost stopped when Angel had said he wanted to make love to him? How was he going to tell Angel the entire experience had transcended sex, took him to a place within his heart, his mind, his emotions that he’d never been to before?
How the hell was he going to make the vampire believe that Lindsey was in love with him?
He noticed the letter beside him, and he picked it up, thinking about whether he wanted to read it or not. Realized if he wanted to, he might be able to let it go now. He could go on with his life, let the past go, find a way to redeem himself on his own. Get married, raise a family, be a normal person.
Angel had given him that choice by not being here now. Lindsey realized that this was the second time the vampire had done it. It was the most selfless thing anyone had ever done for him.
Lindsey thought about all that could be. Then he turned his back on all of what could be, in favor of what was. He unfolded the single sheet of paper, and followed his heart.
Lindsey,
I’m sorry, but I have duties in LA that I cannot walk away from, much as I wish I could.
I would really have liked waking up in your arms, but I did what you asked me for. Such things aren’t mine to want, and I’m sorry if you’re upset with me. I didn’t mean to mislead you in any way.
Last night meant more to me than you’ll ever know. But I won’t.......I can’t ask you to come back to a world you walked away from out of my own selfish desires.
If I never see you again, I wish you all the best in the future. You have the strength inside to seek your redemption on your own.
You don’t need me for that.
You can have a normal life, Lindsey. Filled with love and laughter, someone who can grow old with you, and share all of life’s happiness and sorrows with. This is what I truly wish for you. To be happy, always.
You don’t need me for that.
So, if I don’t hear from you, I’ll understand. I’ll be happy for you.
Angel
Lindsey contemplated the scream for love and understanding that short missive truly was. Angel was as alone as Lindsey himself had always been. For the first time, he realized how utterly noble the vampire was. How he always did what he had to, no matter what it cost him personally.
He left the bed he had slept alone in until last night, and faced his future with no doubts in his mind at all. The idyll in Oklahoma was over. Fuck Wolfram & Hart. He was in love with Angel, and nothing was going to stop him from being at his side.
Nothing and no one.
Ever.
Burning Imprints~ Chapter 16
Of Unicorns and Men
Angel exited the elevator and made his way to where Harmony was. He listened in disbelief as he realized she was still prattling on about that television show she was so embroiled in. Damn! He’d thought their little talk about unicorns being a myth had worked. How could she be so silly?
"And then, oh my God, when he turned around.....I started screaming! I was in total shock! I mean, it was him, it really was! The evil unicorn hunter himself. I swear, I heard the name Leslie screamed all over LA for at least an hour. Huh? Well, yeah....I hate him and all....but damn, he looks too good to hate. Besides, maybe he won’t be evil this time. I think he knows how important unicorns are now. What?.........No way! Everyone knows Adam and Leslie belong with each other! No, I don’t care about that shit. Who cares what the network says? I’ll believe what I want and..." Harmony finally noticed Angel standing there. She smiled radiantly. "Hi, Boss! What are you doing back so soon?"
Angel shook his head at Harmony’s delusional attachment with a TV show. "I’m going to take a shower, and sleep awhile. Do me a favor? As soon as Wesley comes in, tell him I need to consult with him on something, will you?"
"Sure. Is that all?"
"Yeah," he said, walking away.
"Um...boss," Harmony called after him.
"What?" Angel said, still walking.
"Spike..."
"Later, Harm. I’m too tired to even think about Spike right now." Angel said.
"Ok, but I tried to warn you," she muttered under her breath. Putting the phone back to her ear, she continued her conversation. “And can you believe they had him in bed with that skanky Elisa? I mean, really..........can I just say: Ewwwww! That’s just so wrong. I felt like throwing up........what? Gay? I never said Leslie was gay! Damn, I hate it when people say that. I mean, Hello!!! Look it up in the dictionary....it’s spelled B i s e x u a l, for God’s sake...........”
Angel kept walking, tuning out Harmony’s insane logic, hoping to avoid Spike. Unfortunately, that hope was dashed as soon as he neared the door to his suite. Spike was leaning against the wall.
"Well, I see the poofster returned, after all. What’s the matter? Didn’t find your boy toy?"
"I’m not in the mood for this shit, Spike. Go away," Angel said, passing Spike by to open his door.
Angel barely had time to register the shock on the other vampire’s face before Spike had him pressed into the wall, had his face buried into Angel’s neck, practically inhaling the skin where Lindsey had bitten his grandsire. Angel roughly pushed him away.
"What the fuck happened?!?" They both said.
Spike took an unneeded breath, said as calmly as he could, "A box arrived, something inside made me corporal again, it’s a mystery, Fred’s working on it." He paused. "Angel, this man you went to find, I can smell him on you. He’s of the Secular Caste. You let him mark you. Are you insane?"
Angel growled, walked past Spike, through the now open office door. Returning the favor, he pushed Spike against the wall. “Did you forget who I am while I was gone? I don’t need your approval. In fact, I don’t need anyone’s approval for what I do. I’ll do what I want, when I want, and I don’t give a damn who likes it or who doesn’t. Understand?”
Spike was utterly stumped by his grandsire’s statement. That just sounded so much like Angelus, but it was very clear to Spike that this wasn’t him. This was Angel. "I understand," he said. "It’s that serious, then, is it?"
Angel looked into the other vampire’s eyes to see if Spike was being sincere or joking now. He sighed. "Yeah, it’s that serious." He let go of his grandchilde, and backed up a little. "I know he attracts vampires, Spike. I’m not that foolish. In fact, you’re the only one in our little family he hasn’t had contact with. But that’s a moot point. No one can touch him now, except me."
"Angel, you didn’t," Spike paused. "You two didn’t claim each other, did you?"
Angel shut the office door. “Not that it’s any of your business....but, no, we didn’t. Why would you even ask that? What do you care?”
"I don’t care. Not really. It’s just...."
"What?" Angel said, exasperated.
"You have a soul, Angel. It wouldn’t just be binding him to you. You’d be bound to him, as well. You know it’s eternal. As far as I know, a souled vampire’s never done it before. Who knows what the consequences would be! You aren’t going to do it, are you? Cause I’m thinking, that might not be good."
Angel snarled, "I just told you, I’ll do what I want. And if Lindsey finds it in his heart to follow me here, after everything we’ve been through together, I am going to talk him into it. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go to hell. Are we clear on this?"
"Yeah, we’re clear. But could you do a favor, could you climb down off your high horse and tell me why you’re being this stubborn about it?" Spike said.
Angel exploded. "Christ, Spike, haven’t you ever had someone who looks at you and isn’t afraid? Who sees all of you, demon and man, and isn’t repulsed? Who wants you for all those reasons, and who you don’t have to be gentle with, who’ll let you teach them all the sexual finesse a vampire thrives on, someone who gets off on it? Someone you feel was made just for you alone?"
Spike went very still. "Yeah, I have," he quietly said. "I died for her."
That deflated Angel. He’s talking about Buffy. Shit. “Christ, what a mess,” he muttered. He sighed for effect, then walked over to the bar, grabbed a bottle and a pair of glasses, placed them on the table between them, an open invitation to his grandchilde. He splashed some whiskey in a tumbler, then sat down, sipping it.
Spike followed him, helping himself to a shot of whiskey himself. He downed it in one shallow, glaring at Angel to say something.
Angel only raised an eyebrow at him. "Spit it out, Spike. You obviously knew I was back, otherwise you’d be far from here by now. Say what you want, then leave me in peace."
Spike quietly said, "I’m going to Europe, Angel. I’m going to find the slayer. I don’t know if things could ever be repaired beyond our past, but.....I have to talk to her, face to face. At the very least, it’ll give me...us....closure."
"I understand, Spike, and I won’t try to stop you, but......Buffy’s changed. Ever since she hasn’t had the slayer’s responsibilities on her shoulders alone, she’s been different. You know, she was always awfully self-involved. It’s worse now. It’s like.....she doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone, other than herself. Maybe she’s trying to make up for all she feels she’s missed out on, I don’t know."
"I have to try, Angel," Spike said.
"I know," Angel softly answered.
"This thing you have with this man.....is it real or just a passing fancy?" Spike asked.
Angel was quite for a few minutes while he thought about that. Finally, he looked at Spike and said, "Yeah, it’s real. It’s the most real thing I’ve ever known."
"More real than the slayer was for you? I don’t understand that, mate," Spike said, knowing how his grandsire had once loved her.
Angel said, "Buffy was always afraid of me, Spike. Even before I reverted back into Angelus. And after that, well......things just couldn’t go back to the way they were, that’s all."
Spike smiled slightly. "And you’re telling me this human you’re involved with isn’t afraid?"
Angel laughed. "Lindsey once ran me over repeatedly with his pickup truck, then when that didn’t kill me, he came at me with a sledgehammer. And he was one-handed at the time."
Spike said, "You’re shitting me, right? I mean, Angel....one-handed?"
"No, it’s true. I cut his hand off, he tried to drive me insane....it was a thing," Angel said, smiling.
"Sounds intense....like a television show or something," Spike laughed.
"Yeah, like that stupid unicorn shit show Harmony watches. Have you heard her talk about it?" Angel said.
"Bloody hell, yes. She’s bent about it, like half the females in the benighted town. Have you heard her go on about that Leslie character coming back on the show after a couple of years?" Spike asked.
"Shit, when I got here, she was yakking on the phone about it. I don’t understand what the big deal is. I mean, the guy is short, for God’s sake. Yet, women go nuts about him. What’s that all about?" Angel said.
"He’s not that short, Angel. You’re just prejudiced because you’re so tall," Spike said.
"I am not prejudiced against short people," Angel said.
"You are so," Spike said.
"Am not," Angel grumbled.
"Are so," Spike cockily said.
The two vampires argued into the night about the subtleties of height, television shows, and how obsessed Harmony was with unicorns and a television character named Leslie.
Burning Imprints~ Chapter 17
Welcome Home
Lindsey stepped into the shadow of the building and looked up at it. Not much change on the outside....wonder if it’s still cold inside? Touching Angel’s letter in his back pocket, he smiled and entered the building. It had been almost 3 months since Angel’s visit and for the first time in... like forever…………Lindsey felt like he was coming home.
Lindsey walked into the lobby and paused, taking note of all the changes that had taken place since his departure. He still didn’t know the particulars of how Angel had gained control of this division of Wolfram & Hart…………and at the time of Angel’s visit, he hadn’t really cared.Face it, Lindsey, the only thing you cared about was being with Angel, everything else was insignificant. But now, being back here in this place, he’d wished he had at least cared enough to ask.
He stopped at the information desk and inquired information as to the location of Angel's office. He was told it was on the 15th floor, and advised Angel didn't see clients without an appointment, but he could make one with his assistant, Harmony Kendall. Lindsey smiled, thanked the man, and made his way to the bank of elevators along the back wall. He found it odd that no one seemed to notice him, and in his jeans, t-shirt, and jacket, he knew he stood out amidst all the suits around him. He also noticed that no one looked familiar. Angel must’ve cleaned house when he took over. Wonder where Lilah ended up? Lindsey headed over to the nearest elevator and pressed the "up" arrow.
The elevator came almost immediately and Lindsey stepped in and pushed the button marked "15" and smiled as a random memory flitted through his head. Something about a fifth floor office, company car, and my soul. No, the irony isn’t lost on me, Angel.
The doors started to close when a feminine hand reached in and stopped them.
"Sorry, I didn’t see you." Lindsey said when the doors slid open and an attractive young woman stepped in beside him. "What floor?"
"Fifteen, thanks," the woman said, smiling shyly at him.
Lindsey stepped back and leaned against the back wall of the elevator and watched her. She seemed to be engrossed in a book and what looked like a case file opened to a picture of what could have been perceived as a deformed cat. He leaned over her shoulder to get a better look and smiled. "Coaties" he said in her ear.
She jumped and stepped away from him. "What?"
"That’s a picture of a coati. Mischievous little rascals. We call them.."
"Raccoons." The girl interrupted.
"But in the dimension they come from, 'coaties' means 'rats'. How did it get here, anyhow?"
"Not sure yet and we think there's more than one of 'em. I just got this and haven't had a chance to really work on it. So, any idea on how to catch them?"
"Enchanted cheese."
"Enchanted cheese?"
"Yep. The enchanting spell should already be in the computer under "Coati", all you’ll need is the cheese."
"Thanks, Mr…………." She trailed off, noticing the elevator had stopped and the doors were sliding open. She glanced up and saw Wesley standing there, as if waiting on an elevator himself.
Wesley looked the man with her up and down, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Lindsey McDonald."
Lindsey responded to the perusal with a smirk. "Hello, Wesley. I wondered why no one stopped me from coming up here. It seemed too easy. So, are you the welcoming committee?"
"Actually, no. I was on my way down to the lab to meet with Fred. But now…………" Wesley turned to the young woman and said, "Fred, I will need to get with you later."
Lindsey turned and smiled at Fred. "Nice to meet you, Fred. Oh, and don’t forget to have a cage ready for your coaties…………the enchanted cheese only last for about an hour."
“It was nice to meet you, Mr. McDonald,” Fred said, giving Lindsey a glance of consideration as she exited the elevator.
"Lindsey, please. And I'll be around if you need any help." Lindsey said to her with a wink.
***************
"Mr. McDonald, if you would be so kind as to accompany me to my office……………………" Wesley said, although Lindsey thought it sounded more like an order than a request. But, whatever. Might as well get this over with.
"Tell me something, Wesley. How did Angel manage to gain control of this part of Wolfram & Hart?" Lindsey asked as he followed Wesley to his office. He really wanted to see Angel but he was curious as to what the Englishman was after, because he didn’t look surprised to see him at all. He looked.....resigned. As if he’d known Lindsey would follow Angel back to LA.
"You mean he didn’t tell you when he visited?" Wesley asked, rather surprised. He led Lindsey into his office and pointed him to a chair. "I’m rather surprised you didn’t....taunt....him with the knowledge that he’s in charge of this branch of Wolfram & Hart, Lindsey." Wesley thought about it, then decided he’d be truthful with the other man. He’d been on Angel’s bad side himself, too, after all. "Frankly, had I been in your place.....I would have."
Lindsey sat down in the proffered chair, blushing a little. He still was a bit shy about his feelings for Angel. "No, he didn't. We had....other things to discuss. I'm not up to elaborating on what those things were, so why don't you just fill me in on the specs?"
"After the Beast killed everyone here, and Angelus killed the Beast, Lilah came to us with an offer from the Senior Partners. We could have this branch to run as Angel saw fit. Of course, there are loopholes we keep having to work our way out of, but what do you expect in a law firm?"
Frowning at the mention of Angelus, Lindsey said, "Lilah Morgan? Where is dear ole Lilah, anyway? Can't imagine Angel keeping her around."
"He didn’t. She’s dead. As a matter of fact, she was dead when she came to us with this proposition. I guess even in death.." Wesley trailed off when he looked over and saw Lindsey’s ashen face. "Are you ok?"
"What? When? How……how did she die?" Lindsey stammered out.
"I’m sorry, Lindsey, I really thought you knew all this. Lilah was killed by the Beast’s master." Wesley was a little confused. He hadn’t thought Lindsey and Lilah were even friends, but the man looked *stunned* by the news of her death. "I wasn’t aware you were friends, Lindsey. In all the time I knew her, she never said anything that led me to believe you were. I’m sorry."
Lindsey closed his eyes, let an image of the last time he’s seen her wash over him. “We weren’t friends, Wesley. More like wary enemies. When I left LA....part of it was wanting to get away from Angel. But mostly, it was getting away from the firm, the manipulation, the backstabbing, and the constant thread of death from my own employers. If I hadn’t quit....if I hadn’t quit the way I did, they were going to promote me, not Lilah. They were going to kill her, Wesley. But I quit, and they promoted her in my place. I guess I....saved her life.” Lindsey was quiet for a few seconds. “Now it looks as if that was a wasted gesture, one of many since I first arrived in LA. She didn’t change at all, did she?”
Wesley softly said, "No, she didn’t. I had hoped.....but then....well, it was too late."
Lindsey contemplated the Englishman. "You were in love with Lilah?"
"No, not really. It never got that far," Wesley said. "We were involved, but....it couldn’t work, so we broke it off. Although, I did try to burn her perpetuity contract, after she died. I thought she deserved a measure of peace, or maybe I felt guilty I hadn’t truly loved her. That was a wasted gesture, as well. Lilah said something about eternal flames. I couldn’t break the contract."
"Oh, yeah, the good ole perpetuity contract. I guess that means....I’m still technically an employee, huh?" Lindsey said. "God, I wish I’d gotten away from under here before I signed that."
Wesley frowned. "I was under the assumption all employees signed one upon employment at Wolfram & Hart."
"No, I didn’t sign mine until the night Vanessa Brewer died," Lindsey replied.
"Uh," Wesley said. Oh, that was not good. "Does Angel know that?"
"No, I never told him. Things got.....intense after that, and it wasn’t his business, was it?" Lindsey said.
"Oh, Lindsey," Wesley said, remembering a young man walking into Angel Investigations, asking for help.
Lindsey said, "It doesn’t matter now, Wesley. I’d rather focus on the present than linger on what could have been. So, tell me.....who's the liaison to the Senior Partners?"
"That would be me. Hello, Lindsey. What took you so long?"
Lindsey turned around to see someone he’d never expected to see here, of all places.
"Eve Morgan, what are you doing here?" Lindsey said, clearly surprised at her appearance.
“Gotta keep the lines between the Senior Partners and the white hats open,” Eve said, walking up to Lindsey. “Damn, Linds....you look good. What’s your secret?”
"Sex, booze, and rock and roll," Lindsey said. "You look....all grown up, darlin'."
"Excuse me," Wesley interrupted. "Your name is...Eve Morgan? I take that to mean, you're Lilah's sister?"
"When I admit it, which isn’t often." Eve answered, her eyes never leaving Lindsey. "So, I'd love to show you just how grown up I am, Linds, but duty calls and you're late. Angel was expecting you weeks ago.”
Lindsey grinned, remembering the teenager who'd had a massive crush on him. "Now, Evie, you know better than that. Putting the moves on me won't work any better now than it did when Lilah and I were in college. So, run along now, play good girl to the bosses and leave Angel to me.”
"That's okay, Linds. My moves may not work on you, but they work just fine on Angel...don't they, Wesley?" Eve turned to Wesley with an amusing smile dancing on her lips, daring him to lie and refute her statement.
"That was due to a spell that Lorne accidentally cast. I doubt very seriously that it had anything to do with your uh....charms, Eve." Wesley stated.
Lindsey looked shocked. "Angel and you....you....he....no fucking way!"
“You're right, Wes. After all....it was “Lindsey” that Angel screamed....the first three times, anyway. Gotta love that vamp stamina....” Eve said, watching as Lindsey fought a battle for control between anger and embarrassment, “Don't you, Lindsey?" She smiled very sweetly, and headed for the door. There she paused, looked back and winked saucily at the two men. "Don't forget to tell him about the spell, Wes. See you soon, Lindsey."
The Letter
Lindsey smiled slightly. He reached out, placing his hand against the side of the vampire’s face, rubbing his thumb softly on Angel’s cheek. He said, "Yes, I do, but right now.....right now, I just want you to crawl under the covers with me, and hold me in your arms. I need that, Angel."
Nodding his head in understanding, Angel stood up, removing his clothing while Lindsey removed his robe. They got back in bed, and Lindsey slid into Angel’s embrace, laying his head against Angel’s chest. The vampire wondered what it was like for Lindsey, listening to the lack of a heartbeat within his body. Being held in the coldness of his embrace. As much as he wanted Lindsey, he wondered why the young man in his arms could gain such comfort from him.
If Lindsey had known Angel’s thoughts, he would have told him it was a very simple thing. He made Lindsey feel safe, loved and wanted. It was something Lindsey had never felt in the presence of any other being in his whole life. He didn’t care that Angel wasn’t human. He didn’t care what Angel had done in his long history. All his family was gone, his few friends might miss him for awhile, but Lindsey knew Angel was the only one who truly cared if he lived or died.
Angel felt the young man relax in his arms, and Lindsey feel into deep, dreamless, healing sleep. The vampire realized what it was, and he didn’t disturb Lindsey, who had finally come to terms with his past actions, and Angel knew he was sleeping more soundly than he undoubtedly had since the death of Darla.
That’s when he realized what he had to do. He couldn’t ask Lindsey to come to LA. The young man was going to have to make that decision on his own. Angel couldn’t influence him in that decision, because then he would never know if Lindsey wanted him of his own free will or not. He’d never know for sure if he loved him or not.
He gently removed himself from Lindsey, and got dressed. He looked at his lover a long time, then found implements to write Lindsey a letter. Laying it beside the young man, Angel left, all his instincts urging him to turn back, afraid this was the last he would see of the man who held a deeper place in his heart than anyone ever had.
*************************************
It was past noon when Lindsey awoke. He slowly opened his eyes, awareness of all that had occurred the night before drifting though his mind. He knew instantly Angel was gone. He also knew it couldn’t have ended any other way. He’d known that last night, so he wasn’t that upset.
He had tried to tell Angel how he’d felt when the vampire had made love to him. He’d wanted to show him with his body. Lindsey didn’t think he’d done a very good job of it. Oh, Angel had been turned on by what he had managed to say, but.....it was funny, really. He made his living with words. He was very good at it. But the most important thing he’d ever needed to say in his entire life....and he’d frozen up. But he didn’t know if he could convey all the vampire had made him feel with mere words.
How could he tell Angel the wealth of emotions that had shot through his body, when Angel had touched him with tenderness, when all he’d expected from the vampire was unmitigated hatred? How could he explain that his heart almost stopped when Angel had said he wanted to make love to him? How was he going to tell Angel the entire experience had transcended sex, took him to a place within his heart, his mind, his emotions that he’d never been to before?
How the hell was he going to make the vampire believe that Lindsey was in love with him?
He noticed the letter beside him, and he picked it up, thinking about whether he wanted to read it or not. Realized if he wanted to, he might be able to let it go now. He could go on with his life, let the past go, find a way to redeem himself on his own. Get married, raise a family, be a normal person.
Angel had given him that choice by not being here now. Lindsey realized that this was the second time the vampire had done it. It was the most selfless thing anyone had ever done for him.
Lindsey thought about all that could be. Then he turned his back on all of what could be, in favor of what was. He unfolded the single sheet of paper, and followed his heart.
Lindsey,
I’m sorry, but I have duties in LA that I cannot walk away from, much as I wish I could.
I would really have liked waking up in your arms, but I did what you asked me for. Such things aren’t mine to want, and I’m sorry if you’re upset with me. I didn’t mean to mislead you in any way.
Last night meant more to me than you’ll ever know. But I won’t.......I can’t ask you to come back to a world you walked away from out of my own selfish desires.
If I never see you again, I wish you all the best in the future. You have the strength inside to seek your redemption on your own.
You don’t need me for that.
You can have a normal life, Lindsey. Filled with love and laughter, someone who can grow old with you, and share all of life’s happiness and sorrows with. This is what I truly wish for you. To be happy, always.
You don’t need me for that.
So, if I don’t hear from you, I’ll understand. I’ll be happy for you.
Angel
Lindsey contemplated the scream for love and understanding that short missive truly was. Angel was as alone as Lindsey himself had always been. For the first time, he realized how utterly noble the vampire was. How he always did what he had to, no matter what it cost him personally.
He left the bed he had slept alone in until last night, and faced his future with no doubts in his mind at all. The idyll in Oklahoma was over. Fuck Wolfram & Hart. He was in love with Angel, and nothing was going to stop him from being at his side.
Nothing and no one.
Ever.
Burning Imprints~ Chapter 16
Of Unicorns and Men
Angel exited the elevator and made his way to where Harmony was. He listened in disbelief as he realized she was still prattling on about that television show she was so embroiled in. Damn! He’d thought their little talk about unicorns being a myth had worked. How could she be so silly?
"And then, oh my God, when he turned around.....I started screaming! I was in total shock! I mean, it was him, it really was! The evil unicorn hunter himself. I swear, I heard the name Leslie screamed all over LA for at least an hour. Huh? Well, yeah....I hate him and all....but damn, he looks too good to hate. Besides, maybe he won’t be evil this time. I think he knows how important unicorns are now. What?.........No way! Everyone knows Adam and Leslie belong with each other! No, I don’t care about that shit. Who cares what the network says? I’ll believe what I want and..." Harmony finally noticed Angel standing there. She smiled radiantly. "Hi, Boss! What are you doing back so soon?"
Angel shook his head at Harmony’s delusional attachment with a TV show. "I’m going to take a shower, and sleep awhile. Do me a favor? As soon as Wesley comes in, tell him I need to consult with him on something, will you?"
"Sure. Is that all?"
"Yeah," he said, walking away.
"Um...boss," Harmony called after him.
"What?" Angel said, still walking.
"Spike..."
"Later, Harm. I’m too tired to even think about Spike right now." Angel said.
"Ok, but I tried to warn you," she muttered under her breath. Putting the phone back to her ear, she continued her conversation. “And can you believe they had him in bed with that skanky Elisa? I mean, really..........can I just say: Ewwwww! That’s just so wrong. I felt like throwing up........what? Gay? I never said Leslie was gay! Damn, I hate it when people say that. I mean, Hello!!! Look it up in the dictionary....it’s spelled B i s e x u a l, for God’s sake...........”
Angel kept walking, tuning out Harmony’s insane logic, hoping to avoid Spike. Unfortunately, that hope was dashed as soon as he neared the door to his suite. Spike was leaning against the wall.
"Well, I see the poofster returned, after all. What’s the matter? Didn’t find your boy toy?"
"I’m not in the mood for this shit, Spike. Go away," Angel said, passing Spike by to open his door.
Angel barely had time to register the shock on the other vampire’s face before Spike had him pressed into the wall, had his face buried into Angel’s neck, practically inhaling the skin where Lindsey had bitten his grandsire. Angel roughly pushed him away.
"What the fuck happened?!?" They both said.
Spike took an unneeded breath, said as calmly as he could, "A box arrived, something inside made me corporal again, it’s a mystery, Fred’s working on it." He paused. "Angel, this man you went to find, I can smell him on you. He’s of the Secular Caste. You let him mark you. Are you insane?"
Angel growled, walked past Spike, through the now open office door. Returning the favor, he pushed Spike against the wall. “Did you forget who I am while I was gone? I don’t need your approval. In fact, I don’t need anyone’s approval for what I do. I’ll do what I want, when I want, and I don’t give a damn who likes it or who doesn’t. Understand?”
Spike was utterly stumped by his grandsire’s statement. That just sounded so much like Angelus, but it was very clear to Spike that this wasn’t him. This was Angel. "I understand," he said. "It’s that serious, then, is it?"
Angel looked into the other vampire’s eyes to see if Spike was being sincere or joking now. He sighed. "Yeah, it’s that serious." He let go of his grandchilde, and backed up a little. "I know he attracts vampires, Spike. I’m not that foolish. In fact, you’re the only one in our little family he hasn’t had contact with. But that’s a moot point. No one can touch him now, except me."
"Angel, you didn’t," Spike paused. "You two didn’t claim each other, did you?"
Angel shut the office door. “Not that it’s any of your business....but, no, we didn’t. Why would you even ask that? What do you care?”
"I don’t care. Not really. It’s just...."
"What?" Angel said, exasperated.
"You have a soul, Angel. It wouldn’t just be binding him to you. You’d be bound to him, as well. You know it’s eternal. As far as I know, a souled vampire’s never done it before. Who knows what the consequences would be! You aren’t going to do it, are you? Cause I’m thinking, that might not be good."
Angel snarled, "I just told you, I’ll do what I want. And if Lindsey finds it in his heart to follow me here, after everything we’ve been through together, I am going to talk him into it. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go to hell. Are we clear on this?"
"Yeah, we’re clear. But could you do a favor, could you climb down off your high horse and tell me why you’re being this stubborn about it?" Spike said.
Angel exploded. "Christ, Spike, haven’t you ever had someone who looks at you and isn’t afraid? Who sees all of you, demon and man, and isn’t repulsed? Who wants you for all those reasons, and who you don’t have to be gentle with, who’ll let you teach them all the sexual finesse a vampire thrives on, someone who gets off on it? Someone you feel was made just for you alone?"
Spike went very still. "Yeah, I have," he quietly said. "I died for her."
That deflated Angel. He’s talking about Buffy. Shit. “Christ, what a mess,” he muttered. He sighed for effect, then walked over to the bar, grabbed a bottle and a pair of glasses, placed them on the table between them, an open invitation to his grandchilde. He splashed some whiskey in a tumbler, then sat down, sipping it.
Spike followed him, helping himself to a shot of whiskey himself. He downed it in one shallow, glaring at Angel to say something.
Angel only raised an eyebrow at him. "Spit it out, Spike. You obviously knew I was back, otherwise you’d be far from here by now. Say what you want, then leave me in peace."
Spike quietly said, "I’m going to Europe, Angel. I’m going to find the slayer. I don’t know if things could ever be repaired beyond our past, but.....I have to talk to her, face to face. At the very least, it’ll give me...us....closure."
"I understand, Spike, and I won’t try to stop you, but......Buffy’s changed. Ever since she hasn’t had the slayer’s responsibilities on her shoulders alone, she’s been different. You know, she was always awfully self-involved. It’s worse now. It’s like.....she doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone, other than herself. Maybe she’s trying to make up for all she feels she’s missed out on, I don’t know."
"I have to try, Angel," Spike said.
"I know," Angel softly answered.
"This thing you have with this man.....is it real or just a passing fancy?" Spike asked.
Angel was quite for a few minutes while he thought about that. Finally, he looked at Spike and said, "Yeah, it’s real. It’s the most real thing I’ve ever known."
"More real than the slayer was for you? I don’t understand that, mate," Spike said, knowing how his grandsire had once loved her.
Angel said, "Buffy was always afraid of me, Spike. Even before I reverted back into Angelus. And after that, well......things just couldn’t go back to the way they were, that’s all."
Spike smiled slightly. "And you’re telling me this human you’re involved with isn’t afraid?"
Angel laughed. "Lindsey once ran me over repeatedly with his pickup truck, then when that didn’t kill me, he came at me with a sledgehammer. And he was one-handed at the time."
Spike said, "You’re shitting me, right? I mean, Angel....one-handed?"
"No, it’s true. I cut his hand off, he tried to drive me insane....it was a thing," Angel said, smiling.
"Sounds intense....like a television show or something," Spike laughed.
"Yeah, like that stupid unicorn shit show Harmony watches. Have you heard her talk about it?" Angel said.
"Bloody hell, yes. She’s bent about it, like half the females in the benighted town. Have you heard her go on about that Leslie character coming back on the show after a couple of years?" Spike asked.
"Shit, when I got here, she was yakking on the phone about it. I don’t understand what the big deal is. I mean, the guy is short, for God’s sake. Yet, women go nuts about him. What’s that all about?" Angel said.
"He’s not that short, Angel. You’re just prejudiced because you’re so tall," Spike said.
"I am not prejudiced against short people," Angel said.
"You are so," Spike said.
"Am not," Angel grumbled.
"Are so," Spike cockily said.
The two vampires argued into the night about the subtleties of height, television shows, and how obsessed Harmony was with unicorns and a television character named Leslie.
Burning Imprints~ Chapter 17
Welcome Home
Lindsey stepped into the shadow of the building and looked up at it. Not much change on the outside....wonder if it’s still cold inside? Touching Angel’s letter in his back pocket, he smiled and entered the building. It had been almost 3 months since Angel’s visit and for the first time in... like forever…………Lindsey felt like he was coming home.
Lindsey walked into the lobby and paused, taking note of all the changes that had taken place since his departure. He still didn’t know the particulars of how Angel had gained control of this division of Wolfram & Hart…………and at the time of Angel’s visit, he hadn’t really cared.Face it, Lindsey, the only thing you cared about was being with Angel, everything else was insignificant. But now, being back here in this place, he’d wished he had at least cared enough to ask.
He stopped at the information desk and inquired information as to the location of Angel's office. He was told it was on the 15th floor, and advised Angel didn't see clients without an appointment, but he could make one with his assistant, Harmony Kendall. Lindsey smiled, thanked the man, and made his way to the bank of elevators along the back wall. He found it odd that no one seemed to notice him, and in his jeans, t-shirt, and jacket, he knew he stood out amidst all the suits around him. He also noticed that no one looked familiar. Angel must’ve cleaned house when he took over. Wonder where Lilah ended up? Lindsey headed over to the nearest elevator and pressed the "up" arrow.
The elevator came almost immediately and Lindsey stepped in and pushed the button marked "15" and smiled as a random memory flitted through his head. Something about a fifth floor office, company car, and my soul. No, the irony isn’t lost on me, Angel.
The doors started to close when a feminine hand reached in and stopped them.
"Sorry, I didn’t see you." Lindsey said when the doors slid open and an attractive young woman stepped in beside him. "What floor?"
"Fifteen, thanks," the woman said, smiling shyly at him.
Lindsey stepped back and leaned against the back wall of the elevator and watched her. She seemed to be engrossed in a book and what looked like a case file opened to a picture of what could have been perceived as a deformed cat. He leaned over her shoulder to get a better look and smiled. "Coaties" he said in her ear.
She jumped and stepped away from him. "What?"
"That’s a picture of a coati. Mischievous little rascals. We call them.."
"Raccoons." The girl interrupted.
"But in the dimension they come from, 'coaties' means 'rats'. How did it get here, anyhow?"
"Not sure yet and we think there's more than one of 'em. I just got this and haven't had a chance to really work on it. So, any idea on how to catch them?"
"Enchanted cheese."
"Enchanted cheese?"
"Yep. The enchanting spell should already be in the computer under "Coati", all you’ll need is the cheese."
"Thanks, Mr…………." She trailed off, noticing the elevator had stopped and the doors were sliding open. She glanced up and saw Wesley standing there, as if waiting on an elevator himself.
Wesley looked the man with her up and down, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Lindsey McDonald."
Lindsey responded to the perusal with a smirk. "Hello, Wesley. I wondered why no one stopped me from coming up here. It seemed too easy. So, are you the welcoming committee?"
"Actually, no. I was on my way down to the lab to meet with Fred. But now…………" Wesley turned to the young woman and said, "Fred, I will need to get with you later."
Lindsey turned and smiled at Fred. "Nice to meet you, Fred. Oh, and don’t forget to have a cage ready for your coaties…………the enchanted cheese only last for about an hour."
“It was nice to meet you, Mr. McDonald,” Fred said, giving Lindsey a glance of consideration as she exited the elevator.
"Lindsey, please. And I'll be around if you need any help." Lindsey said to her with a wink.
***************
"Mr. McDonald, if you would be so kind as to accompany me to my office……………………" Wesley said, although Lindsey thought it sounded more like an order than a request. But, whatever. Might as well get this over with.
"Tell me something, Wesley. How did Angel manage to gain control of this part of Wolfram & Hart?" Lindsey asked as he followed Wesley to his office. He really wanted to see Angel but he was curious as to what the Englishman was after, because he didn’t look surprised to see him at all. He looked.....resigned. As if he’d known Lindsey would follow Angel back to LA.
"You mean he didn’t tell you when he visited?" Wesley asked, rather surprised. He led Lindsey into his office and pointed him to a chair. "I’m rather surprised you didn’t....taunt....him with the knowledge that he’s in charge of this branch of Wolfram & Hart, Lindsey." Wesley thought about it, then decided he’d be truthful with the other man. He’d been on Angel’s bad side himself, too, after all. "Frankly, had I been in your place.....I would have."
Lindsey sat down in the proffered chair, blushing a little. He still was a bit shy about his feelings for Angel. "No, he didn't. We had....other things to discuss. I'm not up to elaborating on what those things were, so why don't you just fill me in on the specs?"
"After the Beast killed everyone here, and Angelus killed the Beast, Lilah came to us with an offer from the Senior Partners. We could have this branch to run as Angel saw fit. Of course, there are loopholes we keep having to work our way out of, but what do you expect in a law firm?"
Frowning at the mention of Angelus, Lindsey said, "Lilah Morgan? Where is dear ole Lilah, anyway? Can't imagine Angel keeping her around."
"He didn’t. She’s dead. As a matter of fact, she was dead when she came to us with this proposition. I guess even in death.." Wesley trailed off when he looked over and saw Lindsey’s ashen face. "Are you ok?"
"What? When? How……how did she die?" Lindsey stammered out.
"I’m sorry, Lindsey, I really thought you knew all this. Lilah was killed by the Beast’s master." Wesley was a little confused. He hadn’t thought Lindsey and Lilah were even friends, but the man looked *stunned* by the news of her death. "I wasn’t aware you were friends, Lindsey. In all the time I knew her, she never said anything that led me to believe you were. I’m sorry."
Lindsey closed his eyes, let an image of the last time he’s seen her wash over him. “We weren’t friends, Wesley. More like wary enemies. When I left LA....part of it was wanting to get away from Angel. But mostly, it was getting away from the firm, the manipulation, the backstabbing, and the constant thread of death from my own employers. If I hadn’t quit....if I hadn’t quit the way I did, they were going to promote me, not Lilah. They were going to kill her, Wesley. But I quit, and they promoted her in my place. I guess I....saved her life.” Lindsey was quiet for a few seconds. “Now it looks as if that was a wasted gesture, one of many since I first arrived in LA. She didn’t change at all, did she?”
Wesley softly said, "No, she didn’t. I had hoped.....but then....well, it was too late."
Lindsey contemplated the Englishman. "You were in love with Lilah?"
"No, not really. It never got that far," Wesley said. "We were involved, but....it couldn’t work, so we broke it off. Although, I did try to burn her perpetuity contract, after she died. I thought she deserved a measure of peace, or maybe I felt guilty I hadn’t truly loved her. That was a wasted gesture, as well. Lilah said something about eternal flames. I couldn’t break the contract."
"Oh, yeah, the good ole perpetuity contract. I guess that means....I’m still technically an employee, huh?" Lindsey said. "God, I wish I’d gotten away from under here before I signed that."
Wesley frowned. "I was under the assumption all employees signed one upon employment at Wolfram & Hart."
"No, I didn’t sign mine until the night Vanessa Brewer died," Lindsey replied.
"Uh," Wesley said. Oh, that was not good. "Does Angel know that?"
"No, I never told him. Things got.....intense after that, and it wasn’t his business, was it?" Lindsey said.
"Oh, Lindsey," Wesley said, remembering a young man walking into Angel Investigations, asking for help.
Lindsey said, "It doesn’t matter now, Wesley. I’d rather focus on the present than linger on what could have been. So, tell me.....who's the liaison to the Senior Partners?"
"That would be me. Hello, Lindsey. What took you so long?"
Lindsey turned around to see someone he’d never expected to see here, of all places.
"Eve Morgan, what are you doing here?" Lindsey said, clearly surprised at her appearance.
“Gotta keep the lines between the Senior Partners and the white hats open,” Eve said, walking up to Lindsey. “Damn, Linds....you look good. What’s your secret?”
"Sex, booze, and rock and roll," Lindsey said. "You look....all grown up, darlin'."
"Excuse me," Wesley interrupted. "Your name is...Eve Morgan? I take that to mean, you're Lilah's sister?"
"When I admit it, which isn’t often." Eve answered, her eyes never leaving Lindsey. "So, I'd love to show you just how grown up I am, Linds, but duty calls and you're late. Angel was expecting you weeks ago.”
Lindsey grinned, remembering the teenager who'd had a massive crush on him. "Now, Evie, you know better than that. Putting the moves on me won't work any better now than it did when Lilah and I were in college. So, run along now, play good girl to the bosses and leave Angel to me.”
"That's okay, Linds. My moves may not work on you, but they work just fine on Angel...don't they, Wesley?" Eve turned to Wesley with an amusing smile dancing on her lips, daring him to lie and refute her statement.
"That was due to a spell that Lorne accidentally cast. I doubt very seriously that it had anything to do with your uh....charms, Eve." Wesley stated.
Lindsey looked shocked. "Angel and you....you....he....no fucking way!"
“You're right, Wes. After all....it was “Lindsey” that Angel screamed....the first three times, anyway. Gotta love that vamp stamina....” Eve said, watching as Lindsey fought a battle for control between anger and embarrassment, “Don't you, Lindsey?" She smiled very sweetly, and headed for the door. There she paused, looked back and winked saucily at the two men. "Don't forget to tell him about the spell, Wes. See you soon, Lindsey."